She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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