NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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