I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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