I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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