Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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