Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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