You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
