i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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