So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
