? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wear drunk well.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
