hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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