I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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