So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need to sanitize my soul.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
