the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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