U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
