i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
