when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
