that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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