:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
