Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
