I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
