we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
