Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
