You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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