new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
