I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
