Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
