if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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