So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
