Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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