I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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