If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
