there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
