so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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