Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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