can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
