I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
