His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
