New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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