I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
