Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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