and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
