I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's get the cat blown out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
