Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I smell stomach acid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
