i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
