Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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