Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
