So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
