He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
