They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
