I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
