Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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