One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
