So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
